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Happy Santa_Smex, marksykins!

To: marksykins
From:mousapelli

Title: Sex no Tensai
Recipient's name: marksykins
Rating: R
Pairing(s): Inui/Kaidoh, Fuji/Momoshiro, et al.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created by Konomi Takeshi. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: Merry Christmas, S_S recipient! I hope the fic brings you lots of holiday cheer and that it takes you more than two lines to guess my identity (but it totally won't). Special 3 AM thanks to my beta!





"You've done it, right, viper?"

Momoshiro was staring at him, eyes keen with interest, munching his mouthful of apple like a COW while the half-eaten fruit dripped juice down his wrist.

Kaidoh snorted after a second. "Idiot."

"You haven't!" Momoshiro crunched another bite off the apple and grinned, bits of red skin caught in his teeth. "You pussy."

"You haven't either!" Kaidoh snapped, kicking at the locker room bench because now his face was heating up and he would have to face Inui-senpai immediately after this, who would undoubtedly tell him he was training too hard and demand to check his muscle tone.

Momoshiro scowled and Kaidoh immediately felt better. He knew he couldn't have possibly been the last virgin on the whole tennis team, Kikumaru-senpai's bear hugs notwithstanding.

"Yo, senpai," Echizen called from the clubhouse doorway, and when Kaidoh looked up, he was eyeing them from underneath his cap, hands shoved in his pockets. Kaidoh's blush intensified, as if Echizen knew exactly what they had been talking about. "You coming to practice?"

"We're coming, brat!" Momoshiro was in the process of shouting at him, when Fuji-senpai appeared behind Echizen and…draped himself, was probably the best word for it, all over Echizen. He set his chin on Echizen's shoulder and smiled serenely at Kaidoh and Momoshiro, while one hand came around Echizen's chest to toy with Echizen's jacket zipper a little.

It was the way Echizen didn't try to push him off, but just took it, like he was used to the treatment, that made Kaidoh realize they probably were the last virgins on the whole tennis team. Seigaku was made of freaks.

There was no way Hazue was joining the tennis club.

"We're coming," Kaidoh snapped, not bothering to hide his irritation, and Fuji laughed lightly, straightening up, and tugged Echizen back out of the doorway with him on his way out.

Momoshiro still hadn't said anything else, and Kaidoh was just about to punch him to make sure he hadn't passed out standing up or something equally ridiculous when Momoshiro suddenly exploded, "We really ARE the last virgins on the tennis team!"

"We are not." Kaidoh yanked his shoelaces hard. He didn't want to talk about this with Momoshiro, not while he was wearing his tennis shorts. "There's that eyebrow kid."

"Tomo-chan deflowered him on tennis nets last week."

Ah. That explained why one had been missing at practice, and why the courts had smelled like burnt nylon for a few days. "What about…" Kaidoh started, before remembering that Kachirou and Katsuo had asked Tezuka-buchou if they could be doubles partners a few weeks ago. "Never mind."

"This is shameful!" Momoshiro shouted, kicking his bag for emphasis. "Shameful! I mean, I can understand about you, but I'm a prime specimen of--"

"What the hell does that mean!" Kaidoh yanked again and snapped his shoelace off. He glared at the lace dangling in his hand and thought about strangling Momoshiro with it.

"You're so weird-looking, viper," Momoshiro shrugged. "I'm cute! I should be way more experienced than you!"

"You are not cuter than me!" Kaidoh shouted without thinking, getting the feeling that this was going to be one of those times that strange things just came tumbling out of his mouth for the sake of arguing that no self-respecting male athlete should actually argue about. "Your head is all big and your hair is too spiky and nobody in their right mind would do that with you!"

"Your lips are bizarre," Momoshiro retorted, poking Kaidoh in the chest, "and you'd probably hiss when you do it. Hiss hisssss!"

"You'd probably bark like a big, dumb dog!" Kaidoh grabbed two fistfuls of Momoshiro's shirt and shook him a little. "Woof! Woof!"

"Hisssssssss!"

"Excuse me," Tezuka-buchou said from the doorway, arms crossed and glasses glinting. Kaidoh and Momoshiro froze. "Ten laps now!"

"I can totally get laid before you," Momoshiro grunted during their third lap, just as they were passing the first years doing swing practice. Kaidoh rolled his eyes. That was so gross.

"You could not."

"Want to bet?" Momoshiro shouldered Kaidoh, making him stumble for a second. "There's no way you could do it before me. No way!"

No, Kaidoh said in his head, but what came out of his mouth was "First years don't count." Then he shoved Momoshiro back because his stupid mouth never listened to him. And also because he was hoping to distract Momoshiro from the fact that they were rounding the corner where Inui-senpai and Fuji-senpai were talking together, Inui-senpai tapping his pen against his lips while Fuji-senpai tracked their laps with a lazy smile.

"Senpai only?" Momoshiro asked, clearly not distracted at all. "Done!"

"Fuck," muttered Kaidoh, and he was definitely spending too much time near Momoshiro, because he immediately repeated it.

******

"Kaidoh's training menu is making quite the difference," Fuji commented casually.

"Hmm." Inui didn't lift his eyes from his notebook because he'd already watched Kaidoh and Momoshiro do 1.8 laps, and even that was pushing the boundaries of what would cause Fuji to comment out loud.

He'd been busy thinking about how Kaidoh had looked flushed; he'd have to check Kaidoh's muscle tone again.

"You train with him often, Inui," Fuji continued. His eyes slivered open, glinting blue. "Have you been working on his stamina?"

"He prefers to do that on his own," Inui answered both questions.

"What a shame." Fuji crossed his arms and tapped his chin. "It's such a pleasure to watch him in motion, isn't it? His form is so clean and precise. Aesthetic. Beautiful."

"Hmm." Inui didn't want to talk about this with Fuji, not while he was only wearing his track pants. Distraction was in order. "Momoshiro is interesting as well."

"Momoshiro-kun is quite dynamic," Fuji agreed easily. "Very emotional. Have you ever trained with Momoshiro, Inui-kun?"

"No one has," Inui replied, pushing up his glasses with his middle fingers and judging that he could watch another .6 laps without further comment from Fuji given the topic of conversation. "So far as my information indicates."

"Really." Fuji's gaze sharpened. "That's…surprising."

"It's not as easy as one might imagine," Inui warned, feeling generous since the topic change had gone so smoothly.

"Perhaps nobody has suggested the right regimen yet." Fuji's eyebrow raised, and Inui's eyes narrowed behind his glasses. "Perhaps the same is true of Kaidoh?"

Oh, it was on now.

"If you happen to hit upon such a successful training menu with Momoshiro," Inui said, "you would be so good to share the details? I'd need some kind of proof, of course."

"Only if you would extend me the same courtesy concerning Kaidoh-kun." Fuji's smile widened.

"Done and done." They shook on it. Kaidoh and Momoshiro were just finishing their laps, which was a pity, aesthetically speaking.

"Is anybody here to play TENNIS?" Tezuka-buchou roared behind them.

*******

"Ready, Kaidoh?" Inui asked, shouldering his tennis bag and looking back at Kaidoh, who was still carefully packing his racket away. "We should have approximately one point seven hours of optimal sunlight before the day cools past the point of comfort."

Kaidoh tightened the laces on his sneakers a last time and scowled at the orange lace he had had to borrow from Kikumaru-senpai. Somehow he had to come up with a way to get Inui to think about something besides training if he was ever going to lose his virginity before Momoshiro.

"Do you need to stop by the tennis supply shop?" Inui asked, suddenly standing much closer, startling Kaidoh, and he flushed as his head snapped up, almost saying that he didn't before a few cells in his brain sent up an emergency flare.

Didn't people do things like shopping on dates? It made sense, right, if they both liked tennis, to go to a tennis shop.

"Yes!" Kaidoh said hurriedly. Inui raised an eyebrow at the volume of Kaidoh's response, and Kaidoh cleared his throat and mumbled, "if it isn't any trouble, senpai."

"Of course it isn't." Inui's expression smoothed back into a smile, and even though Inui's smiles were usually creepy, Kaidoh relaxed a little.

It was sort of soothing to stand in the aisles of the familiar equipment with Inui, even when Inui stopped for a minute in front of the grip tape and heaved a weird little nostalgic sigh. When looking at the shoelaces, Kaidoh let his hand hover over the black laces for a second, wondering if maybe white laces were boring and if the being boring was why he was in the same position as that idiot Momoshiro, but then Inui asked mildly if all of Kaidoh's sneakers weren't white.

Kaidoh scowled and picked up the white laces.

"This shop isn't on your normal route," Inui commented as Kaidoh was paying, "but I noticed a four percent incline on the last street, so I thought perhaps training near here for today might help test your stamina…"

"Inui-senpai," Kaidoh interrupted, making Inui blink, but Kaidoh thought with Inui it just might be now or never, "don't you ever want to do anything besides train?"

He had meant to sound suggestive, but Kaidoh had the sinking suspicion that he had only sounded cranky.

"Ah." Inui pushed his glasses up on his nose. "We have been training rather often lately. My apologies, Kaidoh, I'm sure you have other demands on your time. Would you excuse me, I've just remembered something I promised I'd do at home."

Kaidoh opened his mouth to protest, but Inui was already sauntering out of the shop, the bell over the door dingling cheerfully. Kaidoh shoved his hands in his pockets. Maybe this would be a lot harder than Kaidoh had thought it would be.

*******

This was certainly a lot easier than Momoshiro had thought it would be. He'd just sidled up to Fuji-senpai in the locker room, figuring he was the easiest target, and hadn't even got his mouth open to ask if Fuji had some time before Fuji asked if he wanted to come over to borrow the new Lucky movie.

Easy. And now he was sitting on Fuji-senpai's bed, waiting for Fuji-senpai to come back with drinks. He'd have nailed his first senpai before that stupid viper had figured out where his dick was supposed to go, even if those cacti on the windowsill seemed to be watching him.

That was ridiculous. Cacti didn't even have eyes. Ridiculous.

There was a knock on the door and Momoshiro sat up a little straighter, ready to become a man.

"Little brother?" A girl stuck her head in the door, making Momoshiro blink in surprise, but after a moment he realized that under the stylish makeup her features were the same as Fuji's. "Oh! I'm sorry, you must be one of Syuusuke's friends! I'm Yumiko, Syuusuke's big sister."

"Nice to meet you," Momoshiro said, trying to keep from swallowing his tongue as she stepped further into the room to reveal a pleated plaid skirt under a tight black sweater. "I'm Momoshiro, but you should call me Momo-chan."

"Little brother doesn't bring home friends very often," Yumiko commented, holding her hands behind her back and smiling at him. "You're awfully cute, aren't you?"

Momoshiro hadn't quite worked out a polite response to that by the time Yumiko had skipped across the room and bent down to press her soft, strawberry-flavored lips against Momoshiro's. After a split-second of shock, Momoshiro grinned. This was totally easy; he must be a sex genius and just never have known it!

She smelled really good, Momoshiro reflected as he brought hands up to touch the soft sides of the sweater, and then she was crawling up onto the bed without breaking the kiss, her knees on either side of Momoshiro's legs, her fingers combing through the spikes of Momoshiro's hair. HA, he thought, that'll teach that viper to make fun of my hair!

"Oh my," Yumiko breathed against Momoshiro's mouth as she grazed her nails over the front of Momoshiro's pants, and Momoshiro gasped and fought to hold onto his control because there was no way he was going to admit to Kaidoh that he'd blown his wad early. "I'd really like to meet little Momo-chan."

"Yes, oh god," Momoshiro said, squeezing his eyes shut as Yumiko unzipped him with practiced ease, and thought sex genius again. Then Yumiko's hand was wrapped tightly around Momoshiro's dick, stroking and teasing the tip, and Momoshiro barely even noticed when Yumiko took one of Momoshiro's hands off her sweater and pushed it up under her skirt.

"Don't you want to touch me too?" she asked, then ran the tip of her tongue over the curve of Momoshiro's ear.

"Uh-huh," Momoshiro grunted, because he would have agreed with anything she said at that point.

But then he felt the rough slide of lace under his fingertips and realized that was living every schoolboy's dream and should definitely make the most of it, definitely! Yumiko's skin was hot and the silky underwear was cool, and then he slid his hand up even further and cupped his hand around the hard bulge of Yumiko's…

"Oh my GOD!" Momoshiro yelped, shoving Yumiko off to the side and leaping off Fuji's bed. Yumiko had fallen onto her back on the bed and was giggling helplessly, legs spread wide. Momoshiro tucked himself back in and fled Fuji's room as fast as he could.

******

Fuji looked up from the refrigerator when he heard the front door slam. He pulled two cans of juice out and shut the door, then went out to the front hallway and frowned when he noticed that Momoshiro's sneakers were gone.

"I should have known," he said when he got up to his room and found Yumiko still lolling around on his bed.

"Sorry, little brother," Yumiko apologized insincerely and grabbed one of the cans out of his hand. Yumiko snapped the top with a delicate, painted nail. "Your friends are just such fun to play with."

"You could get your own toys," Fuji said, but didn't resist when Yumiko reached up and wrapped those slender fingers around his wrist.

******

On the J-dramas (not like Kaidoh watched that sort of thing, it was just that sometimes they happened to be on when he came in the living room and maybe sat down on the couch and the remote just wasn't nearby and it had nothing to do with the fact that sometimes Yamapi was on them and Kaidoh only knew Yamapi's name in the first place because Seishun Amigo was a really energetic song to work out to) the girls seemed to have good luck leaving notes in the shoe alcove for the boys they liked.

Upon reflection, Kaidoh wondered if they had put more romantic things in the notes than See you at afternoon practice.

Kaidoh rubbed at his forehead and scowled at his desk and wondered why the hell getting laid was so damned hard. What the hell were they always warning you about perverts on the train for, if you couldn't find a pervert when you wanted one?

"So anyway," the girl who sat next to him was chattering with a group of her friends, "I just told him I didn't understand any of the math and asked him to come over to study."

"Did it work?" another girl asked breathlessly.

"I derived his pants off in about ten seconds!" the first girl said, making her friends dissolve into giggles.

That sounded deceptively easy, Kaidoh thought to himself, frowning.

******

"You went over to Fuji-senpai's yesterday." Echizen lifted his cap just enough to see Momoshiro's expression, his own blank, aside from a tinge of curiosity. "What did you think?"

"It was weird." Momoshiro shuddered thinking about Yumiko's tongue in his ear. "Really weird."

"Yeah," Echizen, then tugged his cap back down.

It was too bad Echizen was a first year, Momoshiro sighed to himself, because he could probably shove the brat onto his back and do whatever he wanted to him without too much effort. It didn't even sound like Echizen would put up much of a fight, since he…

"Wait," Momoshiro said suddenly, "you've been to Fuji-senpai's house?"

"Sure," Echizen shrugged. "His cactus collection is creepy, though."

"Oh, I know, it's like they're staring at—" Momoshiro cut himself off suddenly, not wanting to get distracted, "I mean, did you and Fuji-senpai…uh…"

Echizen was eyeing Momoshiro out of the corner of his eye with a scowl. "So? Didn't you?"

"No!" Momoshiro snapped indignantly. "Dammit, how did a brat like you do it before me? I can't take it! I can't!"

"Momo-senpai," Echizen said slowly, "are you saying that you are trying, and somehow failing, to get Fuji-senpai to have sex with you?"

"What's it to you?" Momoshiro glared.

"Whatever." Echizen turned to saunter off to class, but Momoshiro reached out and caught him by the strap of his tennis bag.

"Here, can you help?" The words tasted humiliating on Momoshiro's tongue, asking Echizen of all people. "I have to beat that viper to it, or he'll win!"

Echizen eyed Momoshiro for a long moment. Momoshiro didn't let go of him.

"Fine," Echizen said at last, and Momoshiro whooped. "Look, there's one thing that will bring Fuji-senpai running, no matter what. Here's what you have to do."

*******

"Kaidoh, are you feeling all right?" Inui asked, holding up the folded piece of notebook paper that Kaidoh had put in next to his shoes that morning.

"I'm doing poorly in math," Kaidoh blurted. This was never going to work. He was going to be a virgin forever!

"Ah, that explains everything." Inui nodded and tucked the noted into his pocket. "I often behave erratically when I am experiencing the trauma of unsolvable equations. Would you like to come over to my house after school? My parents won't be home, so we won't be interrupted."

This whole thing was completely insane, Kaidoh thought to himself, trying to shut his dangling jaw long enough to agree.

*******

"This better work, Echizen," Momoshiro growled, face the color of his namesake.

"Trust me." Echizen reached up and tugged Momoshiro's uniform bow back into place. "Fuji can smell this sort of humiliation a thousand miles away."

Momoshiro frowned suddenly. "Where did you even get this uniform?"

A cold wind blew over them suddenly, ruffling Echizen's hair and Momoshiro's skirt.

"I've changed my mind," Momoshiro said quickly. "Get me out of these handcuffs, Echizen."

"Later, Momo-chan." Echizen ignored Momoshiro's protests and skittered to the door of the clubroom, failing miserably to look like he was sauntering.

Momoshiro rattled the handcuffs against the lockers futilely for a few second, then resigned himself to his fate. At least the slouchy socks were comfortable.

He barely jumped at all when Fuji leaned in the doorway with a wide smile and blue-slit eyes, purring, "Why, Momo-chan, Echizen said you had something to show…oh my."

"Fuji, this better be…" Tezuka's voice came from behind Fuji's shoulder, making Momoshiro cringe, "…good."

"Oh, it will be," Fuji promised, yanking Tezuka inside the clubhouse and letting the door slam shut behind them.

******

"Your room is very tidy," Kaidoh commented blandly, trying to mask his nerves with politeness. It certainly wasn't what he'd been expecting, although upon reflection, it would probably be too strange even for Inui to actually sleep on steel lab table amidst a bunch of bubbling beakers and tubes and machines.

Probably.

"I'm afraid I only have one chair," Inui interrupted his thoughts, "so we'll have to sit on the bed, if that's acceptable."

"Yes!" Kaidoh immediately hissed a soft reprimand to himself for sounding like a freak and sat quickly on the bed. It bounced him a little, and Kaidoh blushed and stared at the floor.

"Make yourself comfortable," Inui was saying, from some faraway place where people could actually manage to think rationally. "I'll be back in a moment with some drinks. Is tea all right?"

Kaidoh nodded, not trusting his voice, and didn't look up until he heard Inui's door click shut behind him. Sighing softly, Kaidoh leaned his head back to crack his neck, stiff from so much time staring at his shoes, and noticed something on the ceiling.

A black spiral? Inui-senpai was a little weird.

The door opened suddenly, making Kaidoh look away guiltily. Inui followed his gaze to the black spiral and chuckled a little, then sat down and handed Kaidoh one of the cups of tea in his hand. It was warm, and the cup was smooth in his hand, soothing his nerves to a manageable level of terror.

"Kaidoh," Inui said after a moment, "are you really doing poorly in math? Please answer honestly."

Yes, Kaidoh thought to himself, yes yes yes…"No."

For some reason that made Inui laugh, a low chuckle that shivered up Kaidoh's spine, and then he was plucking the cup out of Kaidoh's hand and setting it on the bedside table and pressing their lips together.

Oh thank god, Kaidoh thought, and even though Inui tasted just a little like Aozu the kiss still made Kaidoh sigh, which gave Inui an opening to run his tongue over Kaidoh's lower lip.

And then, just as Kaidoh was relaxing against Inui, Inui pulled back and eyed him critically.

"Kaidoh-kun," he said, and something about the way his voice was quiet and a little breathless made Kaidoh feel…squishy. He squirmed. "I think it's best that you know that I would like to spend time with you, do things to you which are highly improper for a senpai to do to his kouhai, and possibly one day adopt kittens with you."

Inui was staring at him evenly, expressionless except for a streak of pink running across his nose. Kaidoh opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

"The reason I'm telling you this, despite an eighty-three percent chance that you will flee my room at a speed greater than or equal to twenty-seven kilometers per hour, is that I," here Inui had to clear his throat, "I've calculated that the chances of adopting kittens with you one day rises from three to five percent if we do not engage in sexual intercourse the first time you are in my room. I think it's best to go slowly."

"I bet Momoshiro that I could lose my virginity before him," Kaidoh blurted, face flaming and wanting to crawl under the bed and hiss at anyone who came near him. Except for Inui. Especially Inui.

"Oh thank god," Inui said, breath coming out in a rush like he'd been holding it. Then he put both hands on Kaidoh's shoulders and shoved him down onto his back.

Inui's tennis-strong fingers stripped off Kaidoh's shirt and his own with ruthless efficiency, but Kaidoh shivered when they brushed his skin because Inui's hands were shaking, or maybe he was the one shaking, but either way it tickled.

He could just hide under Inui, Kaidoh supposed, because it felt pretty good when Inui covered Kaidoh's body with his own. And, Kaidoh reflected while Inui knocked Kaidoh's bandana off to bury a hand in his hair and pull his head back for another open-mouthed kiss, it was probably dusty under the bed, and there wouldn't be enough room under there for anybody to stick their hand down his shorts like Inui was doing just then.

Kaidoh moaned into Inui's mouth, then flushed because he couldn't stop the noises spilling out of him and also because he had no idea what to do with his hands. Inui's hand, having no such crisis, was pushing Kaidoh's underwear out of the way and wrapping around his dick.

"Hnn." Inui broke the kiss and rubbed their cheeks together, breathing roughly against Kaidoh's ear. "Point five centimeters longer than my best estimate."

You had an estimate for that? Kaidoh wanted to ask, but all that came out was Kaidoh's breath hissing between his teeth, and he buried his face against Inui's shoulder and sank fingers hard into Inui's forearms.

"Sorry," Inui said suddenly, his fingers loosening around Kaidoh's dick, and he pulled back to see Kaidoh's face. "Would you prefer I didn't continue talking?"

Trying to work out hazily why Inui had stopped jacking him and why he looked sort of…embarrassed?...Kaidoh answered, "Of course not," without really thinking, then was even more confused when Inui's face lit up like a kid who just got a new chemistry set for Kwanzaa.

"Kaidoh," Inui breathed, a weird smile curling his mouth that made Kaidoh squirm, "you…don't mind?"

"You're always talking," Kaidoh shrugged, looking not quite at Inui's eyes and trying to figure out how to make his mouth stop saying all this weird stuff and demand that Inui go back to the good parts. "Why would you stop?"

That was apparently close enough, because Inui was suddenly kissing Kaidoh roughly again, and his hand was squeezing Kaidoh's dick so tightly that it almost hurt, but not quite, instead it just made Kaidoh thrust up against him and be glad that Inui's palms were a little sweaty.

And then Inui pulled his mouth away and started talking again, about how good Kaidoh felt and the percent acceleration of his heartbeat and the standard deviation of his rise in body temperature, and Kaidoh was just starting to realize that maybe most people didn't talk exactly like that while doing this when he stopped realizing anything and just came all over Inui's hand.

"Kaidoh," Inui said after a few seconds, and it sounded almost like a question but with no "ka" on the end.

"There's still the bet, senpai," Kaidoh mumbled, pressing his face tighter against Inui's skin, which sent Inui's shiver running over his own body as well. Inui's erection was pressing against Kaidoh's thigh, and suddenly Kaidoh knew exactly what to do with his hands after all.

"Kaidoh!" Inui yelped when Kaidoh's fingers curled over the rise of Inui's track pants. "Shouldn't you—aah!—that is, average recovery time for a male in your condition is—Kaidoh!"

"I've been training, senpai," Kaidoh informed him, smirking just a little since his face was hidden against Inui's shoulder anyway. The smirk turned into a groan when Inui slid a hand down the back of Kaidoh's shorts and squeezed.

*******

"Not that this isn't satisfying," Inui said as he handed over the minidisc with the surveillance footage, neatly labeled 'Room of Inui Sadaharu, 16:00,' to Fuji. "But this hardly seems up to your usual standards, Fuji-kun."

"There were unforeseen circumstances," Fuji replied, smile serene even as he let Inui pluck the Holographic Cacturne from his fingers.

"It's a good card," Inui murmured, mostly to himself, then tucked it safely away in his pocket. "But I admit, I'm surprised. I anticipated Momoshiro would need little of your brand of persuasion, especially with the added factor of his bet with Kaidoh."

"There were…interruptions," Fuji sighed. He waved a few fingers, and a soft breeze ruffled Inui's hair. "I enlisted the aid of Echizen-kun to compensate, but Tezuka caught wind of it and insisted on tagging along, and…well, you know the dangers of Buchou's foreplay."

"Yo," Inui said, gaze fixed over Fuji's shoulder.

"Ten laps now," Tezuka ordered.

*******

"You know, technically, I totally won," Momoshiro grumbled as they stretched.

"You can stretch further than that," Kaidoh commented. He pressed down hard enough on Momoshiro's shoulders that Momoshiro cursed. "Or so I hear. Ma'am."

"I hope Inui-senpai brews homemade lube and your ass falls off," Momoshiro snapped.



Comments

( 82 comments — Leave a comment )
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reddwarfer
Dec. 7th, 2006 08:12 pm (UTC)
I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life. OMG.
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 03:49 am (UTC)
hee, thank you! I'm glad you liked it!
numisma
Dec. 7th, 2006 08:43 pm (UTC)
This was... awesome. I cannot stop laughing. The good kind of laugh, of course. *ded*
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 03:52 am (UTC)
lol, as opposed to what kind of laughing? *g*

Thanks, i'm glad you liked it!
(no subject) - numisma - Jan. 9th, 2007 04:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
threefrog
Dec. 7th, 2006 08:57 pm (UTC)
Dear Writer-dude,

I loff you muchly.



frog
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 03:52 am (UTC)
hee, thanks!~ I'm glad you enjoyed it!
fic_faery
Dec. 7th, 2006 09:08 pm (UTC)
I debated reading this or not only because the pairings didn't really tempt me. But then I thought, hey why not. And well, I was hooked. Nothing beats Male pride on the line in stupid bets and competitions.

Inui and Kaidoh were cute in their courtship even if they both had ulterior motives on the side but nothing wrong with a little incentive. I acutally chuckled aloud at the adopting kittens part. Inui's so strange it's cute.

And Fuji and his family are weird and slutty. *laughs* And people say Hyotei has orgies. Clearly they've never hung around the Seigaku tennis locker room enough.
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 03:55 am (UTC)
Boys competing is the best set-up of all time. And Inui is so weird, that's what makes him absolutely adorable.

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
flosspyromaniac
Dec. 7th, 2006 09:19 pm (UTC)
Ahahahahahahaha.

Oh you genius.

Seriously. These images are going to stay with me for days. In the best possible way of course. Yumiko FTW...

Whoever you are? ♥♥♥
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 03:55 am (UTC)
Yumiko! I love the whole Fuji family.

Thanks, i'm glad you enjoyed it!
venivincere
Dec. 7th, 2006 09:22 pm (UTC)
My eyes are like saucers and I'm laughing so hard I'm going to have to take a little break, here, in a minute. *eyebulge*
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 03:57 am (UTC)
*g* thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
prillalar
Dec. 7th, 2006 09:34 pm (UTC)
the trauma of unsolvable equations
I think we need a challenge in the new year that's all about Yumiko sexing up every single tennis player in the series. HOT!

Oh, I love you, ostensibly anonymous person! This was so funny and delicious and I loved the bet and Inui's "Oh thank god!" and everything. And *kisses* for the shout-out.

Horio/Tomoka: ♥
Horio getting laid before either Momo or Kaidoh: ♥♥♥
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 03:59 am (UTC)
Re: the trauma of unsolvable equations
that's not so much of a 'challenge' really *g* i think we could do that pretty easily.

Hee, your Inui is essentially my Inui at this point, so. *spirals*

Horio ftw! Thanks, sweetie!
todaythesamesky
Dec. 7th, 2006 09:38 pm (UTC)
Oh. My. GOD. This was so amazing. The characterization, and oh, bet!plot ♥ and TOMO/HORIO and "Is anybody here to play TENNIS?" and a million other things I want to quote back at you, but I think I shall stop at this:

"I think it's best that you know that I would like to spend time with you, do things to you which are highly improper for a senpai to do to his kouhai, and possibly one day adopt kittens with you."

InuKai. KITTENS. I nearly fell over from joy. Oh, Anon-author, you are fantastic. Lucky, lucky marksykins!
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:10 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! i'm a huge sucker for boys in competition with each other. I'm so glad you liked it!
worblehat
Dec. 7th, 2006 10:03 pm (UTC)
Hahah, oh man, I loved the tone of this, it was pretty funny. I like the characterisations too, and the idea of Momo/Fuji, with that whole humiliation aspect going on. Awesome times, enjoyable fic! :)
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:01 am (UTC)
Thank you! The Momo/Fuji was a bit odd to write, but it all turned out well in the end. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
(Deleted comment)
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:01 am (UTC)
HEE. I'll be glad to take the blame for that.

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
1anonymous1
Dec. 7th, 2006 10:15 pm (UTC)
"Fuji can smell this sort of humiliation a thousand miles away."

And then the wind blows and they know hes coming! *Dead*

He could just hide under Inui, Kaidoh supposed, because it felt pretty good when Inui covered Kaidoh's body with his own.

That should be like, the official statement of Inukai. Someone needs to put it on a banner or something. *dies of the cute*

"I think it's best that you know that I would like to spend time with you, do things to you which are highly improper for a senpai to do to his kouhai, and possibly one day adopt kittens with you."


Kittens! Dude, and the silver pair could live next door!

"There's that eyebrow kid."

"Tomo-chan deflowered him on tennis nets last week."


OMG, it's so canon! You secretly help write Prince of Tennis, don't you??

Yumiko's skin was hot and the silky underwear was cool, and then he slid his hand up even further and cupped his hand around the hard bulge of Yumiko's…

Everything makes so much sense now!

"Is anybody here to play TENNIS?" Tezuka-buchou roared behind them.

Poor Buchou, having to deal with all the horny, gay tennis players. Hehe, but considering what happens later I don't think he really minds all that much.


Theres so much more funny to this fic, I'd pretty much have to quote the whole fic to get it all. I love whoever wrote this. *fangirling*
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:03 am (UTC)
Thanks so much! *flails* Tezuka really is the only sort of normal person on this whole team, but that's what makes them so great.

And Yumiko! Oh, Fujis. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
(no subject) - 1anonymous1 - Jan. 9th, 2007 05:20 am (UTC) - Expand
storyteller
Dec. 7th, 2006 10:21 pm (UTC)
THIS IS LIKE THE BEST THING EVER, NOT-SO-ANON-SAN.

ILU. lskdjf;lksdjf;lksjdflkjf !!!
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:04 am (UTC)
Worst Anon author ever :(

*SO MUCH LOVE*
illuminations
Dec. 7th, 2006 10:23 pm (UTC)
THAT WAS THE BEST LAST LINE OF A FIC I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE.

*___________*
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:10 am (UTC)
thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
spurious
Dec. 7th, 2006 10:25 pm (UTC)
a;lksdjfsfd THIS IS SO EXCELLENT. *_*
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:11 am (UTC)
HEE. thank you!
goldie
Dec. 7th, 2006 10:52 pm (UTC)
There really are no words, but then, you know my thoughts.

"Is anybody here to play TENNIS?" Tezuka-buchou roared behind them.

If there was ever a line so perfect for tenipuri fandom, this is it. ♥
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:12 am (UTC)
*POUNCES YOU*

I suppose that's why i have Tezuka say it in practically every other fic I write :)
marksykins
Dec. 7th, 2006 10:54 pm (UTC)
Marks: mm i think i set some sort of record
Marks: figuring out who wrote for me before i ever saw the fic
"Mystery" Writer: ?
"Mystery" Writer: ahahaahahahah
Marks: *is amazing*
"Mystery" Writer: I SUCK SO MUCH

I HAVE TO GO TO SPANISH, BUT I SWEAR I'LL QUOTE BACK ABOUT 90% OF THIS WHEN I GET BACK OMG!!!!!!!!!!!
marksykins
Dec. 8th, 2006 03:56 am (UTC)
"You haven't!" Momoshiro crunched another bite off the apple and grinned, bits of red skin caught in his teeth. "You pussy."

Was snorting already at the COW. The pussy is just a bonus. (What!?)

It was the way Echizen didn't try to push him off, but just took it, like he was used to the treatment, that made Kaidoh realize they probably were the last virgins on the whole tennis team. Seigaku was made of freaks.

There was no way Hazue was joining the tennis club.


BUT. BUT HIS INITIATION, MYSTERY WRITER. ;__;

EYEBROW KID. YES. God, what a running shoutout that's becoming. :x:x:x

Kachirou and Katsuo had asked Tezuka-buchou if they could be doubles partners a few weeks ago.

Was there an Arai threesome?! *hopes*

"You are not cuter than me!"

Settle down there, Wolfram. You're several degrees cuter, no worries. Oh Kaidoh. ♥♥♥

"I can totally get laid before you," Momoshiro grunted during their third lap, just as they were passing the first years doing swing practice. Kaidoh rolled his eyes. That was so gross.

LKjsdlkajsdaskldh!!! AHAHAHA. OH MOMO YOU PERV.

"Fuck," muttered Kaidoh, and he was definitely spending too much time near Momoshiro, because he immediately repeated it.

I love Kaidoh repeating things, I really love it.

He'd been busy thinking about how Kaidoh had looked flushed; he'd have to check Kaidoh's muscle tone again.

*chokes* Ahaha, such a wonderful call back.

Oh, it was on now.

Inui bringing it == ♥. Dear God.

God, I love this scene. It's like you squeezed in another one of my pairings just by having this parallel bet and and yes. *fistbops*

scowled at the orange lace he had had to borrow from Kikumaru-senpai.

SO FUCKING ADORABLE.

Didn't people do things like shopping on dates? It made sense, right, if they both liked tennis, to go to a tennis shop.

Oh my adorable darling boy. God, Kaidoh. <33333

It was sort of soothing to stand in the aisles of the familiar equipment with Inui, even when Inui stopped for a minute in front of the grip tape and heaved a weird little nostalgic sigh.

HEY, MYSTERY WRITER, I BETTER BE GETTING SOME BACKSTORY FIC BASED ON THIS LINE. Oh God.

He'd have nailed his first senpai before that stupid viper had figured out where his dick was supposed to go, even if those cacti on the windowsill seemed to be watching him.

That was ridiculous. Cacti didn't even have eyes. Ridiculous.


Ljskajdasahahahaha. Of course cacti don't have eyes!! And I also like Momo collecting senpai like Pokemon.

he must be a sex genius and just never have known it!

<3333333333333333333 Of course you are, sweet Momo.

"I'd really like to meet little Momo-chan."

I am dying, I swear. jksdshada. Yumiko, you tart. What a lovely surprise you had dreamed up for little Momo-chan, too! :D

"You could get your own toys," Fuji said, but didn't resist when Yumiko reached up and wrapped those slender fingers around his wrist.

Gah. It's more fun to share anyway. :D

"Ah, that explains everything." Inui nodded and tucked the noted into his pocket. "I often behave erratically when I am experiencing the trauma of unsolvable equations. Would you like to come over to my house after school? My parents won't be home, so we won't be interrupted."

Oh, Inui. The Heartbreak of Differentials.

TBC WITH MORE FREAKDOM IN NEXT COMMENT
(no subject) - marksykins - Dec. 8th, 2006 03:57 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mousapelli - Jan. 9th, 2007 04:13 am (UTC) - Expand
moshesque
Dec. 7th, 2006 11:14 pm (UTC)
Haha, this rocks so hard. :D
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:14 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!
waxrose
Dec. 7th, 2006 11:21 pm (UTC)
This is hysterical and completely awesome. :DDDDD Sjgfl;s;s!!!
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:14 am (UTC)
thanks so much!
alice_and_lain
Dec. 7th, 2006 11:46 pm (UTC)
"Ah, that explains everything." Inui nodded and tucked the noted into his pocket. "I often behave erratically when I am experiencing the trauma of unsolvable equations..."

Win win win win win win win. Oh, the trauma!

Seriously funny story and tightly written from beginning to end.
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:15 am (UTC)
Hee, Inui is such a lovable dork. *HEARTS*

thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it.
slinkiestumble
Dec. 8th, 2006 01:01 am (UTC)
That? Seriously amazing. And there was so much greatness, but the last line killed me. Killed me ded.
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:17 am (UTC)
thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it!
weetanya
Dec. 8th, 2006 01:11 am (UTC)
It bounced him a little is perhaps the most amazingly funny line in this fabulously funny fic.

Although Yumiko's true identity was a close second. Thank you for clearing that up; it made so much click into place.

XD
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:18 am (UTC)
HEE. Those Fuji brothers siblings, man. They have tricks.

Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked it!
ex_whisper13623
Dec. 8th, 2006 01:18 am (UTC)
Yes, Kaidoh, Seigaku is full of freaks...and we love them that way.

♥ Love for this.
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:18 am (UTC)
That is indeed what makes them great. Dorks!

Thanks so much!
shikishi
Dec. 8th, 2006 02:09 am (UTC)
Hmmmmm.. Yamapi.


: >

Yes. Yes... brilliant with the comments, I know.
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:15 am (UTC)
LOL. you're the only person to mention that! I though it was hysterical.

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!
wickedcherub
Dec. 8th, 2006 02:45 am (UTC)
There was no way Hazue was joining the tennis club.

ahahahahahahaah :D

Oh this lit up my whole entire day.
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:16 am (UTC)
Poor Hazue. he's too innocent!

Thank you, i'm glad you enjoyed it!
pixxers
Dec. 8th, 2006 03:22 am (UTC)
*dies laughing*

Oh, god, yes.
mousapelli
Jan. 9th, 2007 04:16 am (UTC)
*G* Thank you!
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